If there’s one thing a guy doesn’t want to be on his wedding day, it’s emasculated. Which means you’re going to have to make sure he gets all that emasculation out of the way at the Bachelor Party instead. And what better way than with some assisted overcompensation? Give him something so big and ostentatious that everyone will assume he’s overcompensating for something, whether he is or not. The only problem with this plan: the things men buy to overcompensate are usually pretty expensive. Flashy new sports cars, long-barreled antique guns, gold-plated ten gallon hats. How are you supposed to create this impression without leaving your bank account as tiny as you’re insinuating his penis is?
The answer is write here (pun totally intended). Get him this Giant Pen, which proclaims “MY PEN IS HUGE” in big bold letters. There’s even a smaller space between “pen” and “is” in case anyone was confused about what he’s really trying to say. Not very subtle, but subtlety is the last thing a good Bachelor Party needs. The pen is 11 inches long, too, so there’s no way it’ll go unnoticed. Make him take it around to the bars with you and sign everything with it all night long, and he’s sure to get in more than his fill of embarrassment. He’ll be thanking you when the wedding rolls around, trust us.
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